Post-Coital Candor
August 8, 2011

It’s an ancient gag; the most honest moment in a man’s life is immediately after an orgasm. I disagree, however, as in the past, even I’ve pretended to enjoy the company of the woman I’m with after the fact. These days, I like to think I’m a fairly honest cat - unrelated to the fullness of my sack - but either way, I recently found myself in just such a post-coital predicament, when the topic of truthfulness arose.

“It’s easy to tell when guys are lying,” she said. “It’s 100% of the time.”

“They can’t lie about an orgasm,” I replied.

”Well, everything other than that, then.”

“That’s silly to say, especially after that display you just put on.”

“What display?”

“That whole production you’d have me believe was an orgasm.”

“What!?!”

“Faaaaake.”

“What?” she shrieked. “I did not fake it! How dare you?” she said, failing to fight back a smile as she softly slapped at me.

I decided I’d give her some insight. After all, she really hadn’t faked it:

“Listen. Women fake orgasms. Men fake things after orgasms. This is how you’ll know if he’s a liar. There are three genuine actions a man can take post-orgasm, and anything else he does is phony. If the guy you’re with isn’t leaving, sleeping, or throwing you out… he’s faking whatever else he’s doing.”

“You’re not doing any of those,” she said.

“Apparently you didn’t notice me putting my shoes on.”

"My beard is scratchy, Canteen Boy, but it gives good backrubs."